


Bad Dates Don't Equal Bad Nights

by TheFledglingDM



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drinking, F/M, I'm sorry Jarret, Mentions of Jarret, Mentions of Vaxilmore and Kashleth, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Mentions of the rest of the VM crew, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 22:24:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10523133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFledglingDM/pseuds/TheFledglingDM
Summary: Vex's date ends terribly and her friends are all unavailable, but at least the bartender's cute.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SerendipitousDreams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerendipitousDreams/gifts).



> A short drabble-type deal when I had an energy drink and time to procrastinate on while I was on RA duty. Also I had a stupid idea that I wanted to write out and then needed to make a plot to follow with it.
> 
> Also I'm sorry for my treatment of Jarrett here. I really am.

Vex got the break-up text on the toilet.

No, seriously.

There she was, jeans around her knees, scrolling through Buzzfeed because she was a Millennial and _that’s just what you do sometimes, okay Vax, get off my back, and while we’re at it quit using my conditioner. Yes, I know it’s you, who else lives here?_

She digressed.

Anyway. She had stepped out from her terribly awkward third date with Jarrett to use the restroom and also text Keyleth how weird he was being and how awkward it was when the phone vibrated in her hand. The message was short and to the point.

_Hey, I don’t think this is going to work. I settled the bill and I’ll take a cab home. Have a nice evening, and I wish you the best in your future endeavors._

Ugh, it was like she was being _fired._

“Fucking hell,” she grumbled, hobbling up in her too-high heels and washing her hands. Hopefully she could catch him before he left, say good-bye in person like an adult, but he was gone. The table was cleared of their dishes, the only remnants of their evening her leather jacket and purse and their drink glasses. Discreetly, she peeked into her purse. Wallet, ID, and credit cards were all still there. At least he didn’t clean her out.

Still. Not that she was particularly torn up about Jarrett - again, the date had been boring at best and mentally numbing at worst. It wasn’t like he was smelly or rude or sexist, he was just…boring. There was no _Umph_ (which was a shame, because with another drink or two there could have been quite a bit of _umph_ -ing. Again, she digressed). No spark.

“Sonofabitch.” She grumbled. Well, no reason to get torn up about it now. She stood up, slinging her leather jacket over her shoulders, tucking her purse over shoulder and making for the door before she glanced over to the bar. A glance at her watch showed her it was only nine-thirty. The idea of going home alone to watch HGTV and third wheel Vax and Gilmore was simply Too Much tonight. If she couldn’t have a nice date, she could still make a good night for herself.

Vex strolled to the bar and snagged a chair near the wall, giving her an excellent view of the door and the ample drink selection. The bar was not crowded, and one of the bartenders strolled over, asking, “What can I get for you?”

Vex glanced up from the group message she was sending Keyleth, Pike, and Zahra. “A cosmopolitan would be _lovely,_ dear.”

The bartender raised an eyebrow at the endearment, but he simply nodded and strolled off to make a drink. Once she sent out the texts, she studied him as he mixed the drink. The white hair originally made her think he was an older gentleman, but upon closer inspection, she found that he was actually around her age, his face all sharp angles and smooth planes. He was tall, lithe, and lean, his hands graceful as he shook the drain strainer and poured the bright pink alcohol with a flourish. When he returned, setting the martini glass down on a napkin, she studied the way the dim lights flickered on the lenses of his gold-rimmed glasses and bright blue eyes. The name tag pinned to his work-mandated black vest read _Percival,_ as if he had just walked out of the old Austen novels she obviously did not have hidden in her bedside drawer.

Oh, fuck it all, he was _cute._

Her phone buzzed, and Vex opened the notification to see the replies rolling in.

 _Sorry, Kash and I are having a night in!_ Keyleth replied. _But you’re welcome to come by! Sorry things didn’t go well._ Followed by a liberal use of emojis showcasing Keyleth’s manifold feelings about this development. Vex skipped to the next message after the fourth consecutive Angry Face With Smoke Coming Out Of The Ears.

 _Sorry, working,_ Pike replied shortly, possibly dashed off between patients in her emergency room. _I get off at 1am and then you’re welcome to come by and vent. Sorry love xx_

 _I’ll key his car,_ was Zahra’s first reply, shortly followed by her own explanation for why she couldn’t come out tonight to bail Vex out of being that sad woman drinking alone at the bar. Which was absolutely cramping her “sexy, single lady on the prowl” vibe she usually went for.

Her phone went off again, and she went to read what Scanlan had replied. _sorry to hear that. if you’re still looking for a good time, you know where to find me. ;) (lol i’m obviously toootally kidding, unless you’re actually interested, in which case i’m not kidding at all love you byyeee)_

Vex groaned out loud. “God _dammit._ ”

“Something wrong with your drink?”

Vex looked up to find Hot Bartender Percival standing there, one eyebrow raised as if he dared her to find something wrong with his mixology.

“No, no, not at all,” Vex said, shaking her head and running one hand through her loose hair, letting it curl in gentle waves over her shoulder, mostly not intending to flirt but watching his gaze follow the motion anyway. She heaved a long sigh. “It’s just been quite a night.”

“Oh? Do tell.” Interestingly, in her quest to sit in a spot where people would not see her and where she could steal some extra chairs for her friends who were _supposed_ to bail her out of this evening, she had taken a spot right in front of the bar’s washing station. Percival reached for the nearest glasses that had piled up over the course of the evening and set to washing them.

Vex raised and eyebrow. “Are you often in the habit of chatting up the ladies who frequent this bar?”

“Only when I’m being paid for it.” There was a small smirk on his face, the cheeky bastard, and Vex chuckled.

“Alright then. I had a boring date that was going to end in both of us mutually agreeing to not see each other again, but instead of talking to me about that like adults do, he ghosted me.”

“At a bar?” Percival raised a brow. “I thought that was something usually done online.”

Vex rolled her eyes and knocked back more of this excellent Cosmopolitan. “He texted me.”

“What, at the table? Just whipped it out right there?”

“ _Nothing_ was ‘whipped out,’ sir, and no.” Vex sighed dramatically. “He waited until I went to the bathroom.”

Percival actually stopped what he was doing at that statement, frowning and peering at her as if he wasn’t sure he had heard her properly. “He did what?”

Normally Vex wouldn’t share these kinds of details with a perfect stranger, however well his slim shoulders filled out his button-up, but she was annoyed and tired and he had at least made her an excellent drink. “He waited until I was in the bathroom, paid the bill, then texted me ‘good luck in your future endeavors’ and left.”

Percival stared at her, his brow furrowed. Finally, he asked slowly, “And are you torn up about this?”

“No,” Vex admitted, crossing one leg over the other and lounging back, holding her drink aloft. “And that may be the worst part.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that.” Percival said, returning to his washing. “Because that’s the fucking funniest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Vex sputtered over her drink, somehow managing to only let the drink dribble over her chin instead of her dark shirt and scarf. Percival was still watching her, his expression deadly serious, which made the situation all the better. Wiping herself off with a napkin, she demanded, “ _Excuse_ me?”

“Well, it is,” Percival replied mildly. “This gentleman finds you so intimidating that he goes through an entire date, making both of you uncomfortable and miserable, and then when he gets the first chance he makes a break for it and _texts_ you? If I may, what a dick.”

Vex laughed. “I guess so. And now this evening is barely salvageable, because the friends I would go out with otherwise are all either otherwise engaged. So, here I am. With a cosmo. Thanks for that, by the way.”

“I’m glad to provide. My business model rather relies on this exact transaction - pun intended, I want to call your attention to that - so really, we’re both doing each other a favor.” Percival said smoothly, making Vex laugh again. He was funny, in a dry, roundabout type way.

“Your business model? You mean to say this bar is yours?” She asked.

“It is indeed,” he confirmed. “Percival Frederickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo the Third, owner of Bad News Bar and Restaurant, quite literally at your service. I’d shake your hand but I’m washing dishes.”

“You don’t often see the owner of an establishment washing the dishes,” Vex observed.

“No, usually not. But I prefer a hands-on approach to my practices–” (if she knew him better, or at all, Vex would have taken full advantage of the lewd jokes that phrasing welcomed, and by the wry twist of his lips she was certain he knew exactly what he was doing) – “and, after all, I get to chat up so many ladies.” Vex was either more intoxicated than she thought or there was a trick in the light, because she could have sworn he _winked_ at that.

Vex shook her head and took another sip of her drink. Wordlessly, Percival took a clean, dry glass, filled it with ice and water, and slid it over. She accepted this and toasted him with another sip of the cosmo.

Setting the drink down, she asked, “So, do you hear stories about that often?”

“What, terrible dates? All the time. Sometimes I even get to witness them and amuse my friends with them at parties.”

“Is mine going to be one of them?” Vex asked.

“Of course.” Percival said agreeably. “You’ll go up there with the story of the birthday party where I had the privilege of watching the single most socially ignorant man I’ve ever met flirt with an obviously uninterested woman for two hours and finally corner her and ask her if she wanted to open a bottle of wine with him.”

Vex snorted on her drink. “He _didn’t._ ”

“He _did._ ” Percival said emphatically. “He cornered her at this very bar, leaned over–” he stopped what he was doing and actually leaned forward, laying one leaned arm on the waxed wood of the bar– “and said, ‘we should open a bottle of wine sometime.’”

“Oh, hell,” Vex shook her head. “How did she respond?”

“She downed half of her drink and then said he was very generous, but she was unavailable for the foreseeable future. When he asked her to have a glass with him then, I told them we were completely out.”

“A true hero.” Vex raised her water glass to him. Percival grinned, ducking his head as if shy.

The next half hour passed by in amiable chatter, the bar starting to get busy again as people started to bustle in. Around 10:45 the crowd was so thick that Percival could not longer try and speak to her, and fortunately Vex was sober enough that she was ready to drive herself home. She glanced across the bar at Percival, hoping to wave goodbye, but he was busy taking an order from an older couple. She bit her lip, considering, and then in a bout of sudden, stupid, drinking-and-terrible-date fueled courage, she pulled a pen from her purse and wrote her number on the napkin her martini glass sat on.

###### 

The next morning, she woke up wrapped up in her duvet with her Bernese Mountain Dog, Trinket, taking up the lower half of the bed. Rolling over, she checked the time (11am - a respectable time to get up, but still time to reasonably stay in bed) and saw a new text notification.

Vex opened it to a small wall of text, her smile growing and a small warmth fluttering in her chest as she read:

_I’m going to guess this is the lovely woman with the terrible date I had the pleasure of chatting up last night. If so, I’m very glad you did what I couldn’t do at work; if not, I’m sorry I took your napkin._

_I also realize I never actually learned your name._

Vex bit her lip, grinning to herself, and replied, _Vex’ahlia. But you may call me Vex._

Her phone buzzed with a text several hours later, after she had finally wrestled her way out of bed, done laundry, and sat down to run the numbers for the shop. She set down her calculator and opened the text.

_Very well, Vex. You may call me Percy - it’s what my friends and siblings call me anyway, as it’s less pretentious than Percival._

_I would certainly understand if you’re rather burned out on the idea after last night, but would you be interested in getting drinks of some variety together sometime?_

Vex beamed. _Want to open a bottle of wine sometime?_

His reply made her laugh out loud. 

_Absolutely not. But coffee would be a good place to start._

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, that's a thing I wrote.
> 
> Fun fact the wine story is real and is an actual thing that happened to me. It was 10x more awkward and painful in life and my soul departed my mortal body in that moment.
> 
> At some point I will update my other fic. Thanks so much for reading!


End file.
